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When it comes to sexual pleasure, sometimes holding back can take you further. According to sex experts, orgasm denial — or the practice of delaying climax — can actually lead to a more powerful and satisfying release. This advanced technique, often referred to as “edging,” has gained popularity not just for its erotic thrill, but for its potential to deepen intimacy and boost physical pleasure.
Orgasm denial involves bringing yourself or your partner close to the edge of climax, then intentionally stopping stimulation just before release. Repeating this cycle can heighten arousal and sensitivity, resulting in an intensified orgasm once you finally let go. But beyond just physical payoff, experts say this method enhances emotional connection, communication, and control in the bedroom.
This article explores how orgasm denial works, what the science says about delayed gratification and dopamine buildup, and how couples can explore it safely. You’ll learn practical tips for introducing the practice, setting boundaries, and maintaining comfort and consent — all while keeping things playful and connected.
Whether you’re looking to add a new dynamic to your relationship or simply curious about expanding your pleasure potential, orgasm denial is a technique worth exploring. Experts emphasize that it’s not about deprivation, but about intention — building anticipation, tuning into your body, and savoring every moment of connection.
2025 is all about mindful pleasure and deeper intimacy. Orgasm denial might just be the key to discovering a whole new level of satisfaction — both physically and emotionally.
Orgasm Denial vs. Edging
With edging, there’s typically no notion that you’re not allowed to climax, says Carol Queen, PhD, a sexologist and sociologist, sex educator with Good Vibes, and co-author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone. You’re just waiting a bit longer to reach the big O in order to stretch out that experience. “Getting right up to the edge of orgasm [before eventually coming] is what edging is named for,” she says.
But with orgasm denial, the lack of permission surrounding climax is a distinct part of the power dynamics. While a singular edging experience almost always ends with an orgasm, says Brame, the dominant partner might not allow the submissive partner to come for 24 hours to three days or even a week.
This context also impacts how your body responds: While all your erogenous zones might be edging (get it?) toward an extra intense release with edging, during orgasm denial “you’re preparing the body not to come,” says Brame.
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How Orgasm Denial Increases Pleasure
There are many ways in which orgasm denial might intensify a sexual experience, or even the (potential) orgasm itself. Ahead, sex experts outline of few reasons why this power play tool is worth trying out:
1. It can build up sexual tension.
Think about the last time your vibrator died on you just as you were about to hit the big O and just how sexually frustrated and horny you were left feeling. Yeah, that’s the level of sexual anticipation that orgasm denial can muster out of you. (It’s much more satisfying when it’s planned, of course.)
When you’re about to reach climax and then you don’t, the desire for sex intensifies, says Brame. “By arousing your partner and then not providing that relief, you make them crave it even more than the first time around,” she explains. “By the second or third day, they’re dying for [an orgasm].”
They might be lubricating a lot more, wet all the time, or throbbing in their genital area, Brame adds. Essentially, you’re driving yourself or your partner delirious, so the next time you play, they’re hungering for you and the sex—making the experience that much more gratifying.
2. It makes sex last longer.
The technique of orgasm denial actually originates from tantric sexuality—and one of tantra’s biggest teachings is “how to extend your passion and keep the fire burning for a long time,” says Brame.
For many people, once they’ve achieved orgasm, they don’t feel as easily aroused or sexually excited, she adds. (Case in point: Penis owners typically fall asleep after ejaculation, thanks to the release of dopamine-suppressing prolactin.) But “by engaging in a systematic ‘edging’ process where you bring yourself close to orgasm, then stop and let your body calm down a bit before resuming, you can actually build a greater endurance that ultimately lets you last longer during sex,” says Goerlich.
3. It may intensify your orgasms.
“There’s a physiological reason taking a longer time for orgasm is a good idea in terms of the strength of the orgasm,” says Queen. If you think of the big O as a build-up followed by a release, then having the build-up last longer can make that release even greater, she explains.
In a similar vein, “our bodies can become accustomed to sensation, which makes anything (a specific taste, smell, or physical response) duller over time,” Goerlich says. “Think about the first few bites of a decadent dessert compared to the last couple when your taste buds are overwhelmed and you just want to be done. The same is true with our bodies.” In other words, taking a break from orgasming, whether for a few hours or a few days, can help increase their intensity when you’re finally allowed to climax, she adds. The more you know, the bigger your O!
The Different Forms Of Orgasm Denial
Orgasm denial doesn’t only describe pulling away at the last second during vaginal penetration, fingering, or even oral sex—although these are all great options. You can practice orgasm denial solo and even heighten the experience through incorporating certain gadgets. These are just a few forms of orgasm denial worth trying, per the experts:
1. Teasing
Teasing during partnered play is perhaps the simplest point of entry into orgasm denial. It involves one partner getting the other to the point of orgasm with their mouth or another body part and then withdrawing just as they’re about to climax, says Queen.
In a Dominant/submissive relationship or scene, this might involve the dominant partner ordering the submissive not to come and/or saying something along the lines of: “If you’re a good girl, you can come. But if you’re not, you can’t come,” she adds.
2. Solo Play
Yes, you can (and, uh, should) deny yourself an orgasm during masturbation. Here’s the gist: Pleasure yourself with your hands or a vibrator and, just when you’re about to climax, pull your hands or the toy away from your body.
In a D/s relationship, the submissive may even be under the will of their dominant during solo sessions, says Queen. For example, if a submissive partner breaks a rule or fails to complete a task assigned by their dominant partner, the dom could tell their sub to bring themselves to the edge of climax with a vibrator, but then turn it off before they orgasm as a form of “funishment,” explains Goerlich.
3. Device-assisted
In some cases, you or your partner might want to bring in a chastity device, such as a cock cage, which can amp up the intensity of play, especially if an orgasm is being denied for a longer period of time. “A cock cage might go on during a dominant/submissive scene where the penis-having partner is not allowed to come or ejaculate during play,” says Queen. “The dominant may then decide over the course of the scene if or when the cage will come off.”
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During prolonged play, a dominant may even say, “I’m going to be gone all weekend. I’m going to put this cage on you and I’m going to leave it on until I get back,” adds Queen. Similarly, in a 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship, the submissive partner may sport a chastity device long term to prevent them from masturbating when their dominant is not around. This way, they can only enjoy the pleasure of sex and orgasm when they’re released from the device by their partner, says Goerlich.
How To Practice Orgasm Denial
Curious about trying orgasm denial yourself, but unsure where to start? Ahead, the experts outline a few steps for introducing this kink into the bedroom:
1. Have an exploratory conversation.
Ideally, this convo should happen when you’re not in bed and when you have your clothes on. “Sex should be a mutually pleasurable, enthusiastically consensual activity, so never spring a new idea on your partner in the intimate moment,” Goerlich says.
To initiate the conversation, say something like: “Hey, I’ve got this fantasy that I’d like to try. Can we talk about it?” While having the talk, be sure to point out what about orgasm denial appeals to you, what turns you on about it, and then find a common understanding around what you and your partner both want to get out of the experience, says Goerlich. Are you both open to teasing? How about bringing in chastity devices? How long do you both feel comfortable denying an orgasm for?
2. Educate yourself on D/s dynamics.
While the practice of orgasm denial is not exclusive to Dominant/submissive relationships and scenes, it’s worth acquainting yourself with BDSM and those roles, says Queen. If you want to engage in power play, that will require you or your partner getting comfortable being dominant or submissive at times, she adds. Consider taking a class organized by your local kink organization or community and reading books on BDSM and power dynamics, Queen suggests.
3. Negotiate boundaries.
Before engaging in any sort of kink or power play, you always want to negotiate boundaries. Why? Sex works best when both parties share the same level of enthusiasm and eagerness to try and explore a new type of play, says Brame: “This is why BDSMers are really big on informed consent and negotiating limits.”
Some questions to ask, per Brame: Is it okay if I make you wait until tomorrow to come? Do you think you could go for a whole week? It doesn’t have to be a terribly deep talk, but partners do need to come to a consensus on what’s okay and what’s stepping out of bounds, says Brame. Oh, and don’t forget to choose a safeword, so you’re able to communicate if/when things become overwhelming and you would like to pause or stop completely!
4. Start slow.
It’s always best to dip your toes into uncharted waters rather than diving in head first, and that same approach applies to trying any new sex act. With orgasm denial, “experiment for short periods of time—20 to 30 minutes—before ending with climax,” Goerlich says.
When nearing orgasm, you might also consider implementing a countdown method, says Queen. In this case, the dominant partner informs the submissive: “I’m going to count down, and you’re going to have an orgasm.” Start from 20, and count down slowly, Queen says. In addition to being a practical way to signal that a big O is in order, counting down can also add another layer of excitement and stimulation.
Oh, and another tip: Before investing in a more complex, advanced sex toy such as a cock cage, try teasing your partner with a vibrator. “Using a vibrator is a really ideal way to play around with [orgasm denial] together as well as solo because you can just lift the vibrator away from the body,” Queen says.
5. Leverage natural times of separation.
“If one of you has a business trip or a friends’ weekend coming up, make a commitment to each other not to masturbate or otherwise climax during the time that you’re apart,” Goerlich says. “I promise, it will take homecoming sex to the next level!”
When you do finally get together, let the absence of orgasm build a bit longer by whispering sexy sweet nothings to each other, offering light touches or caresses, and engaging in pleasurable self-touch before coming together, she adds. Then, see what happens when you’re finally allowed to orgasm again. Good things come to those who wait, if you know what I mean (wink, wink).
Aftercare After Orgasm Denial
After you’ve successfully denied an orgasm, it’s time for aftercare, especially if you’re experimenting with dominant/submissive power play. Coming down from the euphoria of a sexual experience can feel like coming down from a party drug, and “the more intense the experience, the more aftercare you’re going to need to provide,” says Brame.
Sexual aftercare is important because it “re-establishes that you are out of the scene, that your roles have returned to ‘normal,’ and it helps the partners ‘come down’ from the scene and establish care and intimacy,” adds Queen.
Engaging in aftercare can also lessen the impact of “sub drop,” a.k.a the physical and emotional lows a submissive might experience after intense BDSM play. But it’s worth noting that, even with aftercare, this isn’t something you can necessarily avoid, says Goerlich. “It’s an inevitable part of the physiological response to power exchange and intense intimate scenes, as well as the logical outcome of getting into ‘subspace’–that floaty, trusting, slightly dissociative place that many kinksters enjoy,” she explains.
While you may not be able to avoid “sub drop,” you can—and should—prepare for it ahead of time. Have a soft, warm blanket, cool glass of water, and a lightly sweet snack on the bedside table before playing with any kind of power exchange, Goerlich says. “These often meet the immediate physical needs of someone coming out of subspace: extra warmth, rehydration, and regulating the blood sugar.” From there, you might engage in cuddles, offer positive affirmations, and verbally check in to see how the experience went for the both of you, adds Queen.
