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Emotional intimacy is the heartbeat of any lasting relationship. It’s the quiet understanding, the unspoken support, and the deep emotional connection that makes two people feel seen, safe, and truly loved. In this expert-backed guide, we explore how to build and maintain emotional intimacy in relationships — whether you’re just starting out or have been together for years.
Experts agree: emotional intimacy doesn’t just happen. It takes intentional effort, open communication, vulnerability, and trust. From creating safe spaces to share feelings to practicing active listening, every small action helps deepen the bond between partners.
This article outlines key steps recommended by therapists and relationship coaches. Learn how daily check-ins, eye contact, empathy, and quality time can help you reconnect and stay emotionally aligned. You’ll also discover the importance of handling conflict with care and building a foundation of mutual respect.
In a world full of distractions and pressures, emotional intimacy often takes a back seat. But when nurtured, it can transform your relationship — bringing a sense of security, passion, and resilience. Whether you’re rebuilding trust or simply looking to grow closer, these expert insights can help you cultivate a deeper and more meaningful connection.
Let 2025 be the year you invest not just in your relationship, but in the emotional connection that sustains it.
There are a few common ways to tell if emotional intimacy is lacking in your relationship, says Chavez. Perhaps your conversations stay pretty surface-level, you feel lonely even when you’re with each other, or you experience a noticeable dip in desire or physical intimacy. Whatever the case, don’t worry—it’s never too late to strengthen that connection. These expert-backed tips can help you and partner feel closer than ever:
1. Talk with eye contact—or while walking.
Maintaining prolonged eye contact with your partner might seem intimidating, especially when it’s coupled with a serious convo, but it’s a powerful way to develop the intimacy that helps form a secure attachment, says Skyler. Sure, it can feel awkward at first, especially if you’ve grown accustomed to having half-distracted discussions, but pushing past that initial resistance can help you stay present and show your partner you’re really listening. And as with anything, the more you practice, the easier it’ll become—not just holding eye contact, but also being intentional with how you communicate.
But if locking eyes still feels a bit too uncomfortable, try talking while walking instead. “You’re both moving both legs, and that’s a bilateral process,” says Skyler. “So, you’re accessing both parts of your brain and illuminating the areas needed to stay present and be part of the conversation.” Many couples spend what should be quality time on auto-pilot—scrolling on their phones, watching TV, etc.—but staying present is crucial to developing emotional intimacy. It’s really what allows you and your partner to hear and feel heard. And these strategies aren’t just for tough talks—making eye contact or walking while you chat is especially effective if it’s a part of a regular, intentional routine, like asking your partner about their day.
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2. Use ‘I’ statements.
It can be all too easy to play the blame game in relationships, but that usually just puts both partners on the defensive and can lead to disconnection. When conflict arises, instead of saying “You always do this” or “You never do that,” talk in “I” statements that express your perspective on the situation and how you would like it resolved. “If you can have extreme ownership of your experience, your feelings, and your beliefs, then the other person isn’t rendered in a defensive position,” says Skyler.
A simple way to practice this? Say: I feel…, I perceive…, I would love… while encouraging your partner to respond in the same way. Speaking in “I” statements allows both of you to say your piece clearly, resulting in more constructive communication and a deeper connection.
3. Communicate without words.
Now you know how to talk the talk, but sometimes, actions speak louder than words… and can help you form a deeper connection in the process. When communicating nonverbally, “we allow our partner to have their space,” says Chavez. “We don’t react, and we’re not problem-solving—we just hold that space, and that can be a really important way to build trust.” This can be as simple as shifting your facial expression in response to your partner. Think: kind eyes when they’re feeling overwhelmed, a reassuring look during a vulnerable moment, or a smile when they’re excited.
Or, this could look like using other non-sexual forms of physical touch to show affection, such as holding hands on an evening walk, putting your arm around them at a party, or giving them a long hug after a long day. “Physical touch helps us release oxytocin, which is also known as the bonding hormone or the love hormone,” says Chavez. And that chemical reaction can leave you feeling emotionally closer than ever.
4. Spend time apart.
This might sound counterintuitive, but giving each other space can actually help you feel closer. “Healthy attachment relies on a balance between togetherness and separateness,” says Zar. “Time apart gives you the chance to miss your partner, crave togetherness, and have things to share with them when you do see them.” That separate time might look like regularly grabbing dinner with friends, diving into your favorite hobby for a few hours every weekend, or even just spending time in different rooms for a bit each day.
5. Make time for play.
A healthy relationship isn’t just deep talks and everyday tasks (although those obviously matter). Playful moments—where partners feel safe and experience heightened excitement in their nervous systems—are great for building emotional connection, says Zar. When partners feel excited during a shared experience, their bodies release several hormones feel-good hormones—dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin—as well as adrenaline, all which help deepen an emotional bond, adds Chavez. This can be anything from battling it out over a board game, hitting the pickleball court, or even getting frisky between the sheets. However you choose to play, everyone’s a winner!
How To Maintain Emotional Intimacy
Now that you know a few ways to develop emotional intimacy, how do you keep it going strong—especially in a long-term relationship or marriage, where life is constantly throwing new curveballs your way?
“The way to establish emotional intimacy long-term is intentionality,” says Zar. “When we just expect it to always be there, and then freak out when it’s not, we’re not really putting ourselves in the driver’s seat.”
Skyler offers a simple way to grab the wheel: The three date rule. Each week (in a perfect world, but hey, shoot for at least once a month), you and your partner carve out time for three “dates,” each with a different purpose.
- The Fun Date: You might grab dinner, catch a show, attend a sporting event—anything you both enjoy and creates that sense of play.
- The Business Date: You sit down and talk through practical matters, like financial plans or family responsibilities.
- The Emotional Connection Date: You have a heart-to-heart conversation where you check in with each other to see how you’re both feeling and doing.
