Table of Contents
Oral sex can be one of the most intimate and rewarding parts of a couple’s sexual connection — but it’s also an area where many people feel unsure or lack confidence. If you’re wondering how to give a Great blow job, you’re not alone. With the right mindset, a few expert tips, and open communication, oral sex can become not just a technique, but a powerful expression of pleasure and connection.
This guide brings together insights from sex educators and therapists to help you approach oral sex with confidence, clarity, and care. From pacing and pressure to using your hands and making eye contact, we cover the most effective ways to create a satisfying experience for both partners.
One of the most important takeaways? It’s not just about technique — it’s about enthusiasm, communication, and mutual enjoyment. Listening to your partner’s reactions, checking in, and adjusting based on their comfort and pleasure goes a long way.
You’ll also find tips on navigating common concerns like jaw fatigue, gag reflex, and how to keep things sensual without feeling overwhelmed. Whether you’re new to giving oral or looking to refine your skills, this article offers a balanced mix of practical steps and confidence-building advice.
Remember, the best blow jobs aren’t about performance — they’re about connection, trust, and shared pleasure.
1. Make sure you have consent.
Giving or receiving oral sex isn’t everyone’s thing, so no matter how well you know your partner or how much you’ve engaged in other forms of sex, establishing consent before engaging in oral sex is crucial, says Lisa Lawless, PhD, a psychotherapist specializing in clinical psychology, relationships, and sexual health and the founder/CEO of Holistic Wisdom. (The same rules apply for all sexual acts, BTW.)
Even if you’re pretty positive they’re ready for a blow job, ask the person before you head downtown instead of assuming they want something. It won’t kill the mood or ruin the heat of the moment, trust. It’s sexy to ask, “Do you want me to go down on you?” More importantly, “this allows partners to feel safer, comfortable, valued, less anxious, and uninhibited while being free to enjoy all the pleasure sexual play can provide,” Lawless says.
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
2. Get in a comfortable position.
There’s nothing worse than giving a blow job and getting a neck cramp or feeling pressure on your knees. So, make sure you and your partner are in “a comfortable position [that] provides physical ease, minimizes discomfort, and improves concentration and sexual performance,” says Lawless. “It can also assist with endurance, creativity, and overall satisfaction.”
One go-to position might be kneeling between your partner’s legs, so you can “easily cup the testicles,” says Jenni Skyler, PhD, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and director of The Intimacy Institute. As shown below, this position will also help you move from your core, as opposed to over-straining your neck muscles.
In this beginner-friendly blow job position, the giver kneels in between the receiver’s legs. The receiver can keep their legs straight or lift their knees up, as shown here.
If you’re a beginner, it’s best to try this oral sex position kneeling on a bed as the receiver lies flat on their back; once you become more advanced, you can try kneeling in front of the receiver as they stand up straight, as shown below. (Bonus tip: This is a steamy position for shower sex—as long as you have room to do it safely.)
In this position, the giver still kneels between the receiver’s legs, while they stand in front of them.
Whether your knees are on the bed or the floor, if they start to feel uncomfortable, place cushions (or a sex pillow) underneath them for extra padding, suggests Skyler.
3. Use lube.
Lube can be a game-changer in all types of sexual activity, but especially during blow jobs. Plus, sometimes, generating enough saliva can be difficult, especially if you’re dehydrated, Skyler says—but using lube will make the experience easier, hotter, and wetter all-around.
In addition to preventing discomfort for both people, “a flavored lubricant can make it more enjoyable for the giver as well,” Lawless says. Whether you like the taste of coconut oil or prefer a water-based lube, there are plenty of options out there that can change your blow job game. Try out a few and see what you and your partner like most!
and also has coconut lime and vanilla chai varieties, and you can try all three with Cake’s flavored lube trio.
4. Be enthusiastic.
One of the most important rules of giving good head is actually wanting to give good head. “The biggest complaint I hear from clients about blow jobs has nothing to do with technique and everything to do with their partner’s enthusiasm about it,” Marin says. “Recipients will have a great time if they know their partner is enjoying it.”
To be clear, you should *never* do something you’re not comfortable with just because a sexual partner asks you. But if you’re considering going down on someone—which, if you’re reading this, you probably are—the best thing you can bring to the BJ party is a good attitude.
5. Initiate with a little foreplay.
You don’t need to—and TBH, probably shouldn’t!—go from zero to cock-sucking. If you’re already cuddling or making out, you can try whispering in their ear what you want to do, Lori Buckley, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist in Pasadena, California previously told Women’s Health. Then, you can heat things up with some foreplay, such as giving them a sexy massage or teasing them by touching, kissing, and licking everywhere except where they want you to. “Teasing is really important because when we can’t have what it is that we want, that creates desire,” says Buckley.
Some other fool-proof foreplay ideas: Listen to an erotic podcast, watch porn together, read erotica out loud to each other, or play a sex game to set the mood. Chances are, you won’t be able to keep your hands off of each other—and the sweet anticipation will make the blow job experience that much better when it finally happens.
6. Use a combination of your mouth, lips, and hands.
Now, onto the blow job basics! While there are many techniques to give head, a simple way to start is by wrapping your dominant hand around the shaft of the penis, then putting your open mouth over the head of the penis. Next, connect your hand to your lips—as in, press your index finger and thumb (which are making an O shape) against your lips and keep them sealed there. Then, move your hand and lips up and down the penis in a simultaneous rhythm. If that’s too much movement at once, you can also keep your mouth in one place and slide your wet hand up and down the shaft separately.
You can also “use your hand to pull any loose skin on the penis downward and squeezing the base,” Lawless says. “[This] is a great way to force the blood into the most sensitive spot, the frenulum.” (FYI: For uncircumcised folks, the frenulum is the band of tissue that connects the foreskin to the head; for circumcised people, it’s the underside where the penis head meets the shaft.) Pull lightly and slowly at first, gauge your partner’s reaction, and if they react positively and ask for more, increase the pressure of your hand.
7. Use your tongue to tease them.
Chances are, your partner is going to be over the moon the minute they feel your mouth on their penis. After all, your lips and tongue provide warmth, texture, and wetness they can’t necessarily get elsewhere! When going down on your partner, both Anderson and Marin suggest keeping your tongue soft and relaxed in your mouth, then using it to tease their sensitive areas.
For example, use the tip of your tongue to trace the head and frenulum, then pull away. Those two areas (especially the frenulum) are packed with nerve endings—so, expect your partner to go wild. You can also use the flat side of your tongue to lick from the bottom of the shaft to the very tip and down again, and then try the same movement with just the tip of your tongue. The lighter lick will have them begging for more.
8. Think about licking an ice cream cone.
The possibilities are endless when it comes to tongue technique, so have fun with it. But one popular way to find your partner’s sweet spot (pun intended?) Think about how you’d lick an ice cream cone, and perform similar actions on your partner, says Skyler.
“Use your tongue in a long flat, up-and-down, side-to-side, and swirling motion, or use the tip of your tongue to lick,” adds Lawless. And take your time moving your tongue around the shaft—this will build anticipation before you give your partner a real treat by eventually putting their whole penis in your mouth.
9. Cover those canines.
It’s called a blow job, not a bite job for a reason, right? But considering teeth are a pretty unavoidable part of your mouth, it’s all about knowing what to do with them. “Covering your teeth loosely with your tongue helps you move up and down the shaft,” says Skyler. But if that’s too difficult to maintain, or if you want to use your tongue in other ways, slightly wrap your lips around your teeth to avoid canine contact with your partner’s shaft.
10. Try the “wrist twist,” or the “corkscrew” method.
If you’ve given a hand job before, you’re likely familiar with the “wrist twist” technique (and if you haven’t, it’s exactly what it sounds like). Well, repurposing this tried-and-true move can revamp your blow job routine. Here’s how: With your mouth on the head of the penis, wrap your hand around the shaft. Then, rotate your firm wrist in clockwise circles as you move your hand up and down. Voilà—a sexy new sensation!
There’s also the “corkscrew” method, which involves twisting your head as you bob up and down, says Lawless. “This provides intense stimulation, especially when you do it toward the tip of the penis while holding the base firmly, forcing the blood into the penis and making it quite sensitive,” she explains. “For added pleasure, press your tongue against the frenulum as you come up to the head of the penis while doing the corkscrew technique.”
11. Play with the balls.
You already know that blow jobs aren’t only about the mouth and penis—hands can get in on the action, too. While it’s totally up to the receiver’s personal preferences, if your partner likes having their testicles stimulated, you can also incorporate them into your BJ technique. Start simple by cupping the balls with your hand, and see how your partner responds. If they’re into it, you can try some more advanced techniques.
One expert-approved approach: “Gently wrap a thumb and index finger around the testicles, and pull them gently away until you have slight surface tension on the end—the spot farthest from the body. Then, gently run your tongue in a circle and flick it against and around that end area,” Lawless says. “You can also do what is known as ‘teabagging’ by taking the testicles into your mouth and lightly licking and sucking.” The ball’s in your court (wink).
12. Stimulate other parts of the body, too.
To turn your partner on even more, touch other parts of their body like their inner thighs, hips, and other erogenous zones. “Focus beyond just the penis,” Anderson says. “Some people like nipple stimulation, touching their leg… make it a full-sensory experience, beyond just the pelvic region.” If you have boobs, you can even rub your nipples across their penis for an unexpected sensation that’ll really drive them wild.
13. Talk dirty.
Another great way to heat things up during a blow job? Exploring dirty talk. Not only is it a sneaky way to give your mouth a break, but “dirty talk can intensify arousal, anticipation, and provide valuable communication during oral sex,” Lawless says. “It provides enhanced intimacy, fun, and desire between both partners.”
If you’re new to dirty talk or aren’t exactly sure what to say, try complimenting how hard they are in your mouth and how excited that’s making you. Or be straightforward: “I love how your penis feels in my mouth.” Simple, but sexy and effective.
14. Ask them for feedback.
Just because your mouth is busy doesn’t mean communication should stop. Asking for feedback during a blow job shows that you care about your partner’s needs and desires and want to give them the best experience possible, says Lawless. “It can also help you enhance your techniques and make them specific to what your partner finds most pleasurable.”
Try saying, “How does this feel?” or “Is this wet enough for you?” right before putting your mouth back on the shaft. (But one question to avoid: “Are you close yet?” You don’t want them to feel pressured!)
If your partner isn’t comfortable having a Q&A during oral sex, go for a non-verbal option: Have them place their hand on your shoulder, and squeeze every time they feel good. It’ll be easier for you to tell what moves they really like, and give you a nice confidence boost to boot.
15. If your jaw feels sore, let your hands (or a toy) help out.
A blow job might be oral sex, but that doesn’t mean your mouth has to do all the work. “I like to think of the mouth as providing wetness and your hands as providing tightness,” says Marin. If your jaw starts to feel sore or tired a few minutes into the job, you’re likely suctioning too hard with your mouth. So, shift some of the work to your hands, relying on them to provide pressure.
You can also “use a sex toy, like a masturbation sleeve, to continue pleasuring your partner,” Lawless adds.
16. Focus on your breathing (and take breaks!).
Blow jobs can come with a lot of pressure, and as the giver, you may feel like you have to go super fast or suck super hard to make your partner happy. However, don’t be afraid to slow down and take breaks as needed!
If you’re experiencing jaw discomfort or notice that your body is tensing up a lot, it may be a sign to relax and focus on your breathing. “Learn to breathe through your nose or take breaks using your hands,” Lawless says. This is where the OG “wrist twist” technique comes in handy (literally!)—you can give your mouth muscles a rest, while still maintaining the flow of stimulating your partner.
17. Feel free to add spit—lots of it.
Everyone has their own, ahem, moisture preferences, but blow jobs tend to benefit from no shortage of spit. “Saliva makes an excellent natural lubricant, facilitating smoother and more pleasurable sensations,” Lawless says. “It can also create a more intimate sexual experience, and letting your partner know their penis makes your mouth water can be really hot.”
You don’t have to go overboard to the point that your hand is slipping all over the place, but some sexy spitting can go a long way, especially if the penis starts to feel a little dry. Also, it’s not a bad idea to keep a glass of water nearby to prevent dry mouth—you may need it.
18. Switch positions to shake things up.
To keep things spicy, explore “different positions [that] offer various angles and depths of penetration,” Lawless says. “This can provide different sensations, as well as increase comfort. Experimenting with positions can also increase excitement, especially when allowing your partner to watch the penetration or witness you simultaneously pleasuring yourself with a sex toy.” (Multitasking at it’s finest, folks!)
If you’ve grown accustomed to giving a blow job kneeling in front of your partner as they lie down on their back, you may want to try having them stand up in front of the bed, while you lie down on your back with your head hanging off the edge. Then, from this upside down position, you can suck on their penis Spiderman-style (IYKYK). If that becomes uncomfortable, you can also flip onto your stomach and resume your blow job from right side up.
Another sexy tip? Try giving your partner a blow job in front of a mirror, so they can take in every angle. You can also change the scenery by angling your body in different ways. “If someone is on the bed and you’re between their legs, try going to the side,” says Anderson. “Think about changing the ‘traditional’ view.” This perspective change also allows your partner to take in the full view of your awesome bod, so give ’em a wink and strike a pose. “Anything a partner can do to make it more visual” will be a win, says Anderson.
19. Try deep throating.
Not only can deep throating—where you take the member so far into your mouth, it’s in your throat—feel amazing to the receiver, but seeing their entire length somehow fit inside your mouth can also be a major turn-on.
That said, it’s definitely an advanced skill. Why? Two words: Gag reflex. Some people’s gag reflex is more easily activated than others, but if you enjoy it and you’re able to practice, you might surprise yourself (and your partner).
If you want to give it a go, take things slowly, Lawless says. After taking your partner’s penis in your mouth, ease your head down bit by bit to control the depth of penetration, or have your partner gently thrust—but be careful here, she cautions. “Having your lover on their back allows you to better control their thrusting,” says Lawless. “Use your forearms to push them down if they begin to thrust to the point that it is uncomfortable for you.”
One last word of caution: Only try this technique when you can breathe well through your nose. No penis is worth choking over.
20. If you don’t want to deep throat, try an oral sex sleeve.
Deep throating is not required to give a great blow job, Lawless says. “If you are comfortable with it, then, by all means, do it; but you can also use other techniques with your tongue, lips, hands, and fingers for a very satisfying oral sex experience.”
Lovehoney Head Master Double Texture Blow Job Stroker
If your gag reflex is telling you the deep throat is a no-go, consider this another opportunity to get handsy. “Squeeze at the base of the shaft while using your mouth on just the head and upper shaft,” she says. “This will create a similar sensation as taking the penis to the back of your throat.”
You can also bring a sex toy into the mix (with your partner’s consent, of course). “There are sexual products called bumpers and mini masturbation sleeves that you can use at the base of the penis and manipulate with your hand while focusing your mouth on the top of the penis,” Lawless says. This can also help create the sensation of deep throating without actually having to do it.
21. Try swallowing.
First thing first: The objective of a blow job doesn’t always have to be ejaculation. But if the receiver does ejaculate, the giver may prefer to keep going down on them while they climax—which could lead to swallowing.
Like deep throating, “swallowing is a matter of personal preference,” says Lawless. “For some, it can heighten the sense of intimacy, while for others, it might not be appealing. The key is open communication and consent.”
Speaking of which, it’s not a bad idea to talk about it with your partner before going down on them. You can say something like, “How do you feel about me swallowing? Would it turn you on?” or, “I’ve never tried swallowing before. Should we give it a go?”
No pressure, though—if you try swallowing and don’t like it, you never have to try it again. But if you are interested, there are ways to make it more pleasant, according to Lawless. “If taste is of concern, remember, the deeper they are toward the back of your throat, the less you will taste the ejaculate,” she says. “You can also use a flavored lubricant or condoms to enhance the flavor.”
22. If you’re not into swallowing, explore other options.
Been there, swallowed that, hated it? No worries. If you know ahead of time that you’re not comfortable swallowing, establish a boundary with your sexual partner before the blow job, Skyler says, which might make you feel more confident. You might say, “Hey, it’s totally fine if you cum near my mouth, but I don’t think I can swallow. That cool?”
You can also ask your partner to let you know when they’re about to finish, so you can remove your mouth and simply continue with your hand, she adds. Or, when they’re about to ejaculate, you can remove your mouth and gently redirect their attention by saying “It’d be so hot if you came on my boobs…” or another body part. Sexy and subtle!
If you don’t mind having semen in your mouth, but still don’t want to swallow it, you can always spit it out after your partner finishes, Skyler says. (Just make sure you have a tissue or paper towel and a trashcan nearby so you can get rid of it quickly and easily.)
23. Play with temperature.
Whether you prefer warm or cold sensations, temperature play during a blow job (with your partner’s permission, of course) can really heighten the experience. “Drinking a hot drink like tea or hot cocoa [beforehand] can give your lover a warm sensation once you begin sucking on them,” Lawless says. “For a cold feeling, you can use ice cubes or peppermints in your mouth, and then after sucking on the penis, blow on it to give an extra cooling sensation.”
24. Consider condoms.
No one thinks about wearing a condom for a blow job, but practicing safe oral sex is just as important as practicing safe penetrative sex. “Using condoms during fellatio protects against sexually transmitted diseases (STIs), offering both partners safety for a more relaxed and enjoyable experience,” Lawless says. “They can also aid in simplifying the cleanup process.” Luckily, there are flavored condoms that can make the experience more pleasant.
25. Experiment with different techniques.
Ultimately, different blow job techniques work for different people, and it’s perfectly normal to have to try several techniques before you find a strategy that drives your partner wild. Lawless recommends alternating between “soft and hard” pressure with your tongue to provide varied sensations for the receiver. “You can also lick from the tip of the head to the testicles and even below the perineum and anus for analingus,” she says. Just remember: Always establish consent before exploring a new area of your partner’s body.
26. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to make them ejaculate.
Although the stakes can feel high when you’re going down (especially if it’s your first time with a new sexual partner or ever), try to release control over whether the receiver ejaculates or how long it takes. “Focusing on the journey of pleasure—both in receiving and giving—is a key piece of satisfying your partner,” Skyler says.
Not to mention, “it reduces performance anxiety for both partners,” adds Lawless, “leading to a more satisfying and intimate encounter.”
27. Keep a towel handy for later.
One thing that’s easy to forget when giving a blow job is the clean-up phase! Not super fun, necessarily, but still important—especially because, given your outstanding work, there might be something to wipe up.
For this reason, you should always keep a towel nearby, says Lawless. If you want to elevate the experience, consider leaving for a moment and coming back with two washcloths, she adds: “One as a hot towel to erotically wipe your partner down, and another to fluff them dry. It can be a fun way to offer a full-service treatment!”
